


Six Digit Piano

by volta_arovet



Category: Shrek
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-01
Updated: 2009-12-01
Packaged: 2017-10-04 01:37:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/volta_arovet/pseuds/volta_arovet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Captain Hook and the Ugly Stepsister come to an agreement, or how a man with a hook for a hand decided to play piano.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Six Digit Piano

**Six Digit Piano**

_by volta arovet  
_

There came a time when the Captain reached the end of his patience. He was tired of constantly being one-upped by a boy on whom gravity unfairly had little hold. The Captain was frustrated that the only females in the entire Land were either prepubescent, three inches tall, or possessing of a fish tail. He was annoyed by the constant attacks by the Indians—who were now insisting they be called "Native Americans." The Captain had tried to explain _exactly how far they were from America,_ but it is difficult to speak rationally to someone attempting to shoot an arrow through one's head.

Quite frankly, the Captain found himself in desperate need of a little adult companionship. That was how he found his way to the bar—no chance of finding a boy-who-won't-grow-up in a place-that-checks-ID.

By the time he reached his third mug of grog, the Captain was pouring his heart out to the ugliest barmaid he had ever seen. Beyond his current aggravations, he revealed that, underneath it wall, he knew that he would eventually lose to that crowing youth, and there wasn't a damned thing he could do about it.

Between the two of them, they debated a change in career. The problem was, the only things he was good at were the things related to being a pirate. He was an excellent looter, pillager, and plunderer. He was unsurpassed at keel-hauling and swordplay (save, again, for that insufferable age-deficient brat.) Words like "aye," "ye," and "savvy?" simply rolled off his tongue. There existed not a more piratey pirate than the good Captain.

The ugly barmaid (whom the captain began to suspect was not a "maid" at all) suggested that instead of playing to his strengths, the Captain try something he should have absolutely no talent at, and pointed to the piano.

He tried and, long story short, it worked. When he was not satisfied with picking out the melody note by hooked note, he added his own gravelly voice to the mix.

The ugly barmaid looked up from where "she" had swooned over the bar and said, "Honey, you can come in here and play whenever you want."

So the arrangement was made that whenever the Captain needed to escape the children for a while, there would always be an empty piano bench waiting for him. The deal was simple: free drinks for free entertainment, and good companionship for all. Everyone wins.

The agreement worked for about two weeks. While they cleaned up the wreckage from a particularly disastrous event, they added another clause to their spoken agreement: absolutely no metronomes.


End file.
